Since my last post I feel like I have found a new sense of peace with all that I'm doing as well as all that I'm not doing.
What am I doing? Playing. I have become completely open and receptive to the idea that the once childish feeling of running around barefoot, bellowing an honest giggle with one arm waving free can be carried into adulthood. AND BE OK! Where I'm from, and in society in general we have this mindset that all this has to stop once we're forced to start taking the endless fill-in bubble tests and "planning" for our futures. I can attest that being on that "planned" route felt like being trapped in a magician's box about to test if, in fact he can really cut you in two. I never failed, but I was never truly happy following this path.
Onto what I'm not doing. I'm not a doctor, nurse, PA, or working my way up the cubicle corporate ladder, therefore I'm not making any money. I'm not jumping into a relationship that seems to be the right thing to do in order to have a family before I'm 30. I'm not laying out a down payment on a house. I'm not spending my free time at ball games, home depot, bars, a couch, more bars, or a shopping mall. How un-American!
It's taken a recent trip home for me to completely question all of this, what I am and am not accomplishing right now. Through having every thought of quitting everything and moving back into the American "blue print" life or completely disconnecting with my family and living the stubborn "I'll do it my way" path...I've thought of it all.
The conclusion became simple through tears at the Minneapolis airport and a clearing conversation with a good friend. She reminded me the simple fact that at the end of the day it's your life, not your friends, parents, sibling, etc....and if you're not happy with how you're living then something needs to change because you'll never be happy if you aren't doing things for you. Something so simple.
So, after really fully letting all those thoughts and emotions sink in I came to this amazing sense of peace and happiness about what I am, and am not doing. Yes, I have a "job" not a "career", I'm more familiar with the changing of seasons than this week's episode of The Bachelor, and most importantly I wake up happy and excited to be living where I am and doing the things I'm doing...and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
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